tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69507681621352588102023-06-20T05:51:47.298-07:00Dog boy loves cakeNickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05849105338205917333noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6950768162135258810.post-18517323466506663742008-10-29T00:20:00.000-07:002008-10-29T00:21:25.538-07:00RegretRegret<br /><br />Now, after about one and a half decade, I sometimes feel that I should have accepted the marriage proposal of Angelina Jolie.Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05849105338205917333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6950768162135258810.post-33926165612117248102008-10-19T00:19:00.000-07:002008-10-29T00:20:40.380-07:00The Hitman!The Hitman!<br /><br />Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."<br /><br />"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."<br /><br />Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"<br /><br />"I'm a hit man," was the reply.<br /><br />"You're joking!" was the response.<br /><br />"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."<br /><br />"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."<br /><br />So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... he's naked as well! The bitch!"<br /><br />He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"<br /><br />"I do a flat rate - for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."<br /><br />"Can you do two for me now?"<br /><br />"Sure, what do you want?"<br /><br />"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."<br /><br />The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently.<br /><br />"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05849105338205917333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6950768162135258810.post-70077185271500376112008-10-14T10:18:00.001-07:002008-10-29T00:19:01.549-07:00Fuck, just remembered another oneFuck, just remembered another one<br />Me and a mate went to this all you can eat chinese restaurant last year. When we got there the waiters and the head waiter bloke (about 5 of them in total) were having a massive argument with this sligtly trampy looking customer who didn't have enough money for the meal he'd just had. He was shitfaced pissed too so he must have owed them a bit. He said something like "fnnaagh ya baasssttaaards, I'll pay youse when I get back from the bog", so off he went up to the toilet.<br />I was busting for a piss so I went up a minute or two later. When I opened the toilet door I was hit with the most appalling shit smell I have ever smelt, the kind that makes your eyes water. I nearly puked. The pissed trampy guy came out of a cubicle to reveal that yes indeed he had done a big stinking shit on the floor. Then he trod in it, and began walking shitty footprints around the bog. I legged it down to tell the waiters, they went racing up the stairs before he could walk it all over the place. We didn't see him come down so I would imagine they took him out the back for a kicking. Dirty fucker. But hey he probably got away with not paying for his mealNickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05849105338205917333noreply@blogger.com0